Sunday, September 18, 2016

My thoughts

when will this baby be born? PLEASE GET OUT OF ME RIGHT NOW. every time I go to the bathroom, I think to myself, is this my water breaking or a normal bathroom situation?
Will she be too big or too little or just right?
Will I just end up having another c section?
how many frozen pizzas should I buy to prepare for having two kids?
How necessary are these baby booties that promise to stay on way better than socks? I mean, it will be getting cold soon. How cold is cold enough to buy these booties? How often will baby be wearing non footed pajamas to warrant this purchase? Why am I thinking so much about this. buy the stupid booties or don't buy them, and get over it.
How necessary are these adult booties? They pop up in ads all the time on social media and they always look so cute. They are not necessary. I will not buy them.
Why won't Ella wear a jacket in the morning when its cold? I tell myself, don't stress about it. It's not cold enough at all where anything bad will happen if she doesn't wear it- so it really doesn't matter.
I'm not keeping up with any television shows right now. How is that even possible? I don't remember the last time that happened. I've been hearing of some good ones - "Stranger Things" for instance on Netflix, but I weirdly don't have the patience to start.
I bought peaches from a farmers market stand the other day- and they are some of the most delightful things I have eaten in a long long while.
I am so blessed and lucky to have my parents living so close to me. They are such generous parents and grandparents. I love that my experience with my grandparents was so good as a child (running around in their gardens and picking fresh figs and green beans and seeing lizards and spiders on their porch and loving their company- thanks Granny Phoebe) and Ella is doing those same sorts of things with my parents- vegetables and wildlife and company included.


Saturday, September 10, 2016

Pregnancy Comparisons, Worries

Pregnancy is really poopy at the moment. The normal complaints, swelling feet, hurts to move, cant hold Ella for very long, hard to lay down, hard to get up, hard to keep up with Ella in general, you know.

It is interesting to compare bumps with Ella. I've gained around the same weight it seems. around 40 lbs or so, but it does seem all in the bump and not as much all around.

I did have an emergency c-section the first time, and I'm in the green to go for a VBAC this time around. The only catch, I have to basically go into labor naturally before 39 weeks (because of diabetes, I have to delivery by 39 weeks), otherwise I'll just have another scheduled c section. Maybe if I'm a little farther along dilation and effacement wise, they'll induce me before 39 weeks, but it seems the doctors don't love that idea. Induction increases the chance of my c section scar bursting open. We'll see how it goes. I've been having non-stress tests twice a week where they measure baby's heart rate and make sure it goes up when the baby moves and NOT down when/if I have a contraction. They've been going pretty well. Also, my belly is so so so itchy, so they've taken blood to see if I have chloestasis, a liver condition that can affect baby. It's not likely, as the itching isn't on my hands and feet (the usual symptoms) but the doctors wanted to check anyway. I'll get those results soon.

Having two kids is frightening. Brent thinks I get overwhelmed a lot with just one. Which is a little offensive. But sometimes true. I just cry a lot- so its super obvious I'm overwhelmed. I MEAN THATS NORMAL RIGHT IM NOT BEING DRAMATIC. Being overwhelmed is very natural- being so pregnant with an irrational toddler, but I just wish I wouldn't express being overwhelmed by crying. It's so obvious and public.

Thursday, August 25, 2016

Trauma

Ella busted her bottom lip the other day. We just came inside the house and her little feet were wet and slippery from playing in some water outside- and down she went on the floor. Her top teeth biting her bottom lip. I picked her up, and there was blood all around her mouth and dripping out. It was horrible, my heart stopped a little bit.

Does she need stitches? how soon do I need to force her to open her mouth to assess the situation- given that she's crying so intensely? I wasn't sure.. but I did end up waiting a few min for her to calm down and I think that was the right decision.

It didn't seem too bad once I wiped off all the blood- thank heavens. and it seems to be healing nicely. She seemed pretty interested in taking a photo of it...

I hope I have a bit tougher skin when my kids break their arm or have some bigger injury which I'm sure will happen. It is traumatizing.

Speaking of traumatizing, I lost Ella in Costco the other day. It was for about 5 min. Which felt you know, so so long. I was calling out her name and trying to calm my breathing. I ended up finding her climbing in the middle of a clothes rack, like a hooligan, hidden from view.

Kids are tricky.

Sunday, August 21, 2016

34 weeks

I'm almost 34 weeks. I feel so gross and big all the time. In fact, I think I look quite petite in this photo... I seem bigger when I look in the mirror, maybe thats just a good angle I got. I put on some maternity shorts yesterday, and the over-the-belly maternity band on the shorts was too tight. Yikes. Also my feet are swelling, so that's nice. Pregnancy whining over here.

Also, we bought this glider this week:
photo from Babies R Us website
Brent wanted a different one that was more comfortable for him... but this one was more comfortable for me (the seat isn't quite as deep so I don't have to scoot myself back when I sit down). So, I hope I don't regret it because this one was $50 more expensive. It'll be delivered soon, so I'll see what I think.

Oh you guys, I'm so curious how a family of four will be. What will Brent and I's dynamic be like since we'll have two on two adult to kid ratio instead of two to one? Can we keep our relationship up to date? How will Ella survive not being #1 all the time? and maybe more importantly, how will I survive Ella learning to survive? I'm anxious that even though Ella is done with bottles now (but she was SO SO attached to them when she was using them, like emotionally attached) that when she sees the baby getting bottle, that will put her over the edge and she'll be, like, emotionally scarred.

Also, I was chatting in church with someone about my hobbies.. and I thought to myself... what hobbies do I have? Thinking of the next meal Eleanor will eat? Picking up dinosaurs off the floor? It makes me feel like a dummy to not have any hobbies except my family/kids. Any suggestions?
This is 34 weeks and 5 days. I updated it to this post... I didn't want to make a new post since its a grimy photo. ha.

Monday, August 15, 2016

Work & 33 weeks

August 31st is my last day of work. !!

I'm looking forward to not having to stress at work and not having to stay longer than my 4 hours (which I do way too often). But I'm worried that without a set 4 hour work time, I'll have no routine, and so I'll go a little bonkers. I'll have to think of more things to do during the day for miss Eleanor- I can't just chill at home feeling content knowing that she's already done something awesome with Grandma and Grandpa while I was at work.

Also... this pregnancy is way more uncomfortable way sooner. I'm 33 weeks, and if I start to "run" after Ella... yiiiiiikes. it's basically impossible. Or turn over while laying in bed, or bending over to pick up something, or being hot all the time.The usual dumb pregnancy struggles.

I've started having non-stress tests twice a week also. I've had two so far (they make sure the placenta is giving the baby enough oxygen-which is a worry because of diabetes. They test that by measuring baby's heart rate after she moves- the rate should go up by a certain amount of beats after a movement. I think I have that right). Baby is healthy so thats awesome. She is measuring a week and a few days bigger than usual, but the doctor said in the 3rd trimester, as long as the baby is within 3 weeks of the due date, that's cool. so, Phew.

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Baby Names

We are having a tough time picking a baby name for this second kid. At first, both Brent and I really liked Mila, but I can't stomach how close it sounds to Ella, both having the same exact 2nd syllable. Here are our (and my) other picks so far:

Monday, July 25, 2016

The Pool

We went to the pool with my old college room mates and it was so good. It takes a bit of work to go the pool with a kid (putting on the swim diaper, the sunblock, packing the snacks, the drinks, the floaties that take up a lot of space but may or may not be used, the towels, the sun glasses, blah blah) but it is always so worth it. And spending time with these ladies below makes me realize that I dont have any girl friends any more and its a real bummer. Somehow, now that I have a family, I don't make as good friends for myself anymore- like my guard is up because oh, my family is my best friend right now, but that doesn't quite cut it all the time.
I got Ella a doctor kit, and it came with glasses...? I was getting her pajamas ready for her one time after a bath and she ran in in the nude and with these glasses. ha, its pretty cute hearing her say "doctor kit" and it helps her stay still during a diaper change if I tell her she's having surgery (brent came up with that one, kudos).